Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
