You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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