She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
