You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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