No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
