I want to make a zoo with you.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
