I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
