You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
