We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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