My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
