What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
