I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
