I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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