So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
