Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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