mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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