I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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