Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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