I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
