girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
