I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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