i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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