Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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