i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
