i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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