What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
