A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
