I faked an abortion last night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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