I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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