so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
