Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
