I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
