i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
