I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You ate ashes out of my bong
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
