ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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