You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
