Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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