The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
