omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
