i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
