I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
