can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
