And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize