Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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