You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
