its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
