He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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