she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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