New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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