i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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