I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
