YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
