Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
