I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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