im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
