yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
