she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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