You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
