I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
