I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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