her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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