I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
