Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
