maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's never too late to be topless.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
