thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
