I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
