Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
