Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
