How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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