dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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