Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
