I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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