dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
