Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
