Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
