i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
