i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
