She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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