i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
