Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
